It's tough enough to go through menopause, why do the men in our lives have to be so irritating? Shall we turn those tables? Bwahaha!
Don’t let the title mislead you. I’m not talking about Male Menopause which is sometimes called Irritable Male Syndrome.
Yes, there’s such a thing. Like that joke, “If it’s called MENstruation and MENopause, so why don’t MEN have it?” True, men don’t have periods, but studies show they do have a form of male menopause. Evidently, due to a drop in testosterone as they age, men can have some of the same symptoms as us – weight gain, memory loss, diminished libido, hair loss, fatigue – plus a couple that thankfully we can’t have as females such as erectile dysfunction. We have enough troubles with our own female parts without worrying about that one as well.
But let men whine about this male menopause thingy on their own blogs – because my articles are about MY complaints and MY symptoms and MY menopause. I can’t imagine that male menopause is as bad as our menopause – but if it is, I don’t want to hear about it.
So this article is about irritating male syndrome – as I said, not male menopause – but about how males make US irritable during menopause.
Because while it’s true everyone infuriates us during menopause, no one can annoy us more than the men in our lives. Clueless on how to calm us down during our menopausal meltdowns, they usually manage to do and say all the wrong things. You’ve probably heard that joke: “It’s called menopause for a reason. MEN should PAUSE before they speak.” But they never seem to learn.
“You’re being a bit sensitive, aren’t you?” “Those pants look kind of tight.” “Why are you in such a bad mood?” “Aren’t you feeling better by now?” “Why don’t you… (input a thousand lame suggestions to try and solve this whole menopause thing).”
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a great husband. But since even delightful men can be annoying at times, we women have to take some kind of action to make ourselves feel better.
So what can we do when we’re suffering from Irritating Male Syndrome? Annoy our husbands, of course, so they can feel and understand our pain of feeling exasperated and enraged all the time.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Okay, admittedly, this first one is kind of mean. But my husband goes poop regular as rain – once and sometimes even twice a day – while I often suffer from meno-stipation. This is irritating enough on its own, but when hubby says something super annoying on top of this whole regular bowel movement thing, it’s time to get serious. So, when we get down to the last roll of toilet paper in the entire house – I hide it in the back of the pantry. When he desperately yells for help, I pretend I don’t hear him. Now some husbands won’t notice for several days, but if you have a hubby like mine, this one works like magic. (Yes, we DID just talk about poop on HFD.)
- Does your husband sleep soundly while you’re up all night with insomnia and then dares to ask why you’re so cranky in the morning? Sometimes my hubby is guilty of this one. So, I eat cookies on his side of the bed. Set his alarm for 2 a.m. and blame the grandkids. Stick my finger in his ear while he’s sleeping. Wedge marshmallows between his toes. If your husband snores like mine, try putting a little Tabasco in his mouth. Get creative and have some fun since you’re up anyway!
- Sell his stuff at your next garage sale. This one drives my hubby, who is a pack rat, absolutely wild. Or if I’m not that brave and the offense is more minor, I move his wallet and keys off his nightstand where he usually keeps them and put them somewhere else. Then I pretend I’m sleeping while he gets ready for work in the morning and thinks he’s getting senile because he can’t remember where he puts his stuff. Give him a taste of fuzzy brain! Tee hee.
- Leave his boxers and socks in the washing machine for a couple of days. My husband helps with the laundry sometimes, so this one doesn’t always work for me. But if you have a husband that rarely does laundry, he won’t notice until he puts on his undies and they smell nice and damp and moldy.
- This one is fitting punishment for mild annoyances. I wait until my hubby is deeply enthralled in one of his favorite shows like Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe or Shipping Wars. Then I sit down, preferably across from him, and I list all the chores that he’s said he’d do around the house. And hasn’t. As a final touch, I ask for a sip of his beer and drink every last drop.
There you go, five remedies guaranteed to make you feel better about the whole Male Irritable Syndrome thing. Bahaha! Plan your revenge and have fun!
Oh, and I’m sure you have some even better ideas, so please, post them for us all!